Dunboyne Castle Hotel

Brian Ferry is playing over the PA, the wine is corked and the dinner is cold. I look out towards the twinkling lights of the adjacent housing estate. Still, things could be worse and indeed my calm is probably due to the deep tissue massage and sauna I had earlier in the spa. For €200 per person you can have the midweek special (3 spa treatments, lunch, dinner and breakfast) which seems pretty good to me.

The restaurant is huge, flanked on one side by a heavy granite wall. There are maybe a dozen people in here, at least three different waiting staff and its quite a trek over to the kitchen from this table but not so far that our food should be so cool and lifeless. I've got a fillet steak (with onion strings) and she's got seared scallops (on wee potato mash beds). You know to look at the meals that they've been sitting waiting for transport out here for five or ten minutes. The steak has lost that succulent glossiness that is usual for freshly cooked fare although it remains very tender if a little dry. The scallops are similar, perhaps the whole lot has been under a lamp. The sides (baby potatoes, carrots and cauliflower in some herb butter) are hardly dramatic and a few of the spuds are undercooked.

All that said, it’s the wine that really bothers me, my glass of 'Rhone has a distinct odour (that smell you get from dishes which have been washed together with eggy partners - I know its an odd description) and her Valpolicella is corked although it has taken us too long to agree this to send it back. Perhaps its because we were served the wine by the head waiter that I doubted myself, surely he gave them a sniff before bringing them over here? Had we been paying the full price for the dinner it would have cost us €112 which would have been excessive given our experience, but perhaps were unlucky. We won't go back for the food, but the spa is worth a look. 5/10.